Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Marriage & Divorce

Hands up everyone who has divorced parents. My parents split when i was 11, it was probably the most tragic event in my childhood but i had alot of support because strangely it seemed to be about the same time that alot of my friends' families fell apart too. I once heard an alarming statistic that stated most households would be single parent families in just a few short years. What's the go with that?

Why did the marriages of the previous generation decay? Is the rising generation destined for divorce too? What affects does it have on us and our kids?

Now don't get me wrong i soo love both my Mum and Dad, they have been the most loving parents any person could hope for (and Mum and Dad if you're reading this... i am not still hurting over this and you have no need to feel guilty), and i can't possibly judge the decision that was made, i know that the decisions made at the time were honestly believed to be for the good of the family. Some of the hardest years of my life though followed from that time on, they helped shape and define the person i am today, i grew in character becoming strong and persevering (thanks for making me a fighter :p), but i'll always wondered what kind of man i would have been if i had a father in my life during that time.

Everything inside me says that marriage is the most amazing thing a guy can hope for, to have the total love, trust and support of a beautiful woman sometimes seems to be as close to heaven as we can get while we're still on Earth. I've felt that way since i was about 12 when i first started noticing just how ridiculously good-looking some of the girls at school were getting... i later discovered that marriage is not only historically popular but also biblical. We are given a beautiful love affair while we're alive to keep us always supported, passionate and strong. A gift from God to spur us on.

I also can't help but notice that every girls MySpace favourite movie list always seems to include "The Notebook". Which is probably the best romance movie i've seen... it documents a love affair between two teenagers and ends with the pair dying in one anothers arms after a long satisfying life together. This is what everyone is hoping for. Love. We are all desperate for it. We always have been.

I know i'm not the only person to say this and it scares me to think it but i find myself going there more and more often, i ask, "Why do I have so much trouble falling in love?" is it because my parents split and i don't want that to happen to me or is it because it's happened to everyone and all of society is scared of vulnerability or commitment, thus marriage being less important in our culture. Is the rising generation going to be less loving than the previous one? Are we all damaged goods?

I still have alot to learn about this subject... it's so tragic to see prostitutes walking the streets and to meet guys with seemingly no self esteem, i wonder if they had Dads to guide them during their development... I wondered what an increasingly fatherless generation will look like? It's interesting to see that in the heroes section on MySpace most people have put their Dad... i've also heard that most girls look for the same characteristics and virtues that their father displayed. So then another question arises... what happens to girls who have never had the love of a father? Where do they go to find it? It's the same with guys... who do we look to? How do guys know how to treat a lady or raise a family? These questions plague me, no one seems to be asking them and they're of such importance in our society.

For the first time though i see a light at the end of the tunnel. For the past 3 or so years i've been going to church, now our church has very few old people (people over 40, sorry if that includes you but if you're 40 you're officially Dad-aged), i have almost no older male role models (my pastor is only 33). But the more my relationship deepens with God, the more i realise his solution to the problem. Church.

By going to church, engaging in a relationship with God and caring for hurt people (everyone in the world) i am learning to love. Getting something back that i had drained from me during childhood. Every week God seems to pour his love all over me, i was as sceptical as anyone else when i was first dragged along, but i found that if i can just let go and thank God for everything he's given me, his presence is undeniable. I also have tonnes of deep, amazing friendships with people i'll know for the rest of my life. Together we support each other through anything and everything that trips us up in life. I once thought church was all about brain washing and propaganda, an irrelevant and archaic ritual or tradition that people were scared into passing down the generations but i now realise that it's the solution, the only solution to having an amazing life.

Now dont get me wrong i'm still single and would dearly love a wife but i've never been more content being single in my life... i can't wait for marriage though...



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