There is a growing subculture out there that anyone who knows me could tell you i have a strong connection with, they are defined by their hardcore music, black clothes and scarred wrists. They are those kids stuck half way between happiness and death. You see them gathered together at shopping centres and congregating at malls, they have long black fringes, obvious piercings and a posture that exposes a complete lack of confidence. They are my people.
At twenty-three I am not sure why I feel such a connection with these kids, these "Emos", maybe it is because i grew up liking a simlar style of music and clothing or maybe it is because I was such a depressed teenager. Either way I have this back-log of empathy for any kid who reaches out to the world in this way. And at twenty-three I still too question the reason for life. Can anyone relate?
Suicide is such an overwhelming, scary thought. Sadly though it seems to somehow enter the minds of just about everyone during their lives, personally i'm not suicidal or depressed for that matter, but i cant honestly say that the thought has never crossed my mind. It is also such a serious subject that the media can say almost nothing about it which i guess is for fear that a report may lead to an epidemic or copy cat deaths.
We are all curious though aren't we. What makes a teenager or young adult question life to the point where they decide that it is no longer worth living, surely it has to be more than a single devastating event that kicks them over the edge. In their song "Miss Murder" AFI ponder "Hey Miss Murder can I take my life?" Which has made my mind churn over for months now... what a statement... more and more this culture is questioning its reason for existance and seemingly no one is reaching out, telling them why they should stay.
For those who dont already know, i became a christian a few years back, it was an event in my life that no one would have predicted, certainly not me, i mean, i was happy in my rut. Happy in my emotive hardcore lifestyle. But suddenly things changed and just like that it was/is a completely new life and an incredible new world. It was hard though trying to help my friends and family understand, i discovered alot of people have a simmering hatred for anyone "religious" and i soon realised that it was much harder to share my new passion with people than i thought.
Early on in my new christian life though i learned a huge thing that i guess no one considers, it rocked me to my core to the point of no return from my new passion, i learned that life is simply preparation for eternity, not just a waiting room for heaven and that while i was down here both good and bad events would refine me.
Suddenly my problems weren't so big. And it's funny but i became dependent on God. Jesus said he'd leave us with a spirit that would comfort us through this sort of time. And in my experience i have often felt this comfort, i cant and never will be able to explain it, but i feel it.
A great man once demanded "Let my people go!" and shortly after that he marched an entire nation of captives to freedom. So i guess this is it, my stand, and it sounds crazy but I really feel like i've found something special, something that has not only changed my life but has the potential to change the lives of millions. And it never fails to sound lame but i'll continue to say it: Jesus Christ saved my life.